Facing Infertility – How Will My Relationships With My Friends Change When I’m Pregnant And They’re Not?

pregnant woman and her sister over whiteFriends who are or are planning on being parents will share your joy. There will, likely, be excited conversations of future outings, playdates, and sitter referrals.

 Those who are planning (or trying) to get pregnant might feel a twinge of jealousy, but that’s a bit natural, don’t you think? However, if your friend has hoped against hope to become pregnant month after disappointing month or know they are infertile your relationship will take some work on both sides to remain strong. So, how do you tell them you’re pregnant?

In June, 2013, Creating A Family, the National (Nonprofit) Infertility & Adoption Education website, posted their Facebook Question of the Day: If you’re infertile, how do you want your friends to tell you about their pregnancy?

They shared the top 4 responses. 

  • Don’t tell everyone else except this friend to spare them being hurt.
  • Don’t pull them out of a group to tell them in private because you don’t know how they will take the news.
  • Letting them know by phone, text, or a private message through social media is okay.
  • The written word, though, is best according to many comments left. Whether email, text, or private message, giving your friend time to process their emotions privately is welcome.

That last tip is golden. It should, also, be considered when sharing your joy with a friend that has lost a child. Before their happiness for you comes to the surface, your announcement might bring a pang of sorrow that your friend does not care to share… They probably have such moments every day and the world never sees them. Allowing them the time to deal with their sorrow is a very caring friend thing to do, indeed.

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